Customers Who Talk Dirty & Even Stalk Me!

[cherrie]

Dianne,
I am so sorry that you had to go through not one, but two totally creepy experiences.
Years ago, in my original store, I was robbed three times within two years. Once, was kids taking money out of the cash register. Twice, attempted robberies at gunpoint. Of course, we had hardly any cash in the register. Since then, I have brought my dog to work.
I like big dogs, like rottweillers and dobermans.
My big red dobie has become a neighborhood icon. She's a wonderful dog and very, very, very well trained. Kids can ride her and do.
I know that she is a deterrent.
In my shop, the crew is generally all woman.
We feel safer with Ozzie - the dobie- there.

 

[NavyBrat]

NavyBrat,

I appreciate your taking time to respond to my replies. I understand your points. I have only one more thing for you to think about.

Regarding the question of which one, Mitchell guy (Let's call him "Mr Pervert") and Mr stalker, is more dangerous... I wrote that Mr pervert is more dangerous than Mr stalker; you feel opposite.

First of all, I obviously don't know these guys and you are the only one who can judge. With that said, as a Y-chromosome myself, I can say a few things about a guy's psychology in general.

Let me just start by saying that I've done exact same thing as Mr Stalker. Well, not exactly the same, but similar. Loooong time ago when I was 20's.

As a former "stalker" myself, I can tell you that, in general, when we are chasing a girl, we have absolutely no idea about how our own behavior is being seen by the girl. Our brain is not wired to read the mind, so to speak.

What this means is that, until I was told that the girl had zero interest in me, I had thought I had a chance. I'm not going to tell you how she told me she didn't like me, because it still breaks my heart.urpletea It was very CLEAR, I can tell you that, so even a man can understand.

So I believe that My Stalker has no idea how you are feeling. It doesn't make him dangerous; it does make him difficult to get rid of, unless you tell him, in no uncertain terms, that he has no chance.

The only thing here is I suppose My Stalker isn't in early 20's, so he is supposed to have learned multiple lessons like the one I just said. But again, I do know that even in 40's 50's 60's, some guys still stalk a woman and have no idea what the women might be feeling.

As to Mr Pervert, as a guy, I have no idea what this guy is thinking. That makes me nervous. That kind of talk, I must confess, guys do all the time among guys. We sort of enjoy all those rear-end "jokes."

However, we would be nuts if we tell that to a woman in a flower shop. I swear I have never done that. Most guys don't do that unless they are drunk or, in a weird way, trying to look macho in front of other women.

I think he is sick, which is the reason I feel he is more dangerous.

Finally, you might be interested in the story after she told me I had no chance. Well, I got drunk for about a few days and at the 4th day, I started chasing 2nd candidate. No problem. Quick recovery.

Anyway, 15 years later, we met again by chance. I asked her what she did with all those letters I had written to her (I wrote over 50 love letters everyday). She told me that she had kept them for 12 years (10 years after marrying a guy) and then one day, decided to burn them all. She told me that they all became ashes. Never understand female psychology at all till this day.

Kenji,

You were never a "stalker!" You were enamoured with "the girl of your dreams." When she told you she wasn't interested, you no longer pursued her. There is quite a difference between you and a stalker.

I have made it more than clear to "my stalker" that I do not want him to contact me in any way or bring gifts. My Rotary brothers have also tried to tell him to leave me alone. It doesn't make a difference to him. I just received a new card from him on Friday. This card was mailed to my home address, not the flower shop. It was a card stating he was sorry, and would not bother me again, if that is what I wanted. Still, he expressed his hopes that I would reconsider and asked me for a date. He has sent these same type of cards and letters on numerous occasions. It just goes on and on.

Fundamentally, stalking is a series of actions that puts a person in fear for their safety. A stalker may follow you, harass you, call you on the telephone, watch your house, send you mail you don't want, or act in some other way that frightens you.

Stalkers use a wide variety of methods to harass their targets. The inventiveness, persistence, and obsessive nature of stalkers is almost unimaginable. Stalking is a serious, potentially life-threatening crime. Even in its less severe forms, it permanently changes the lives of the people who are victimized by this crime, as well as affecting their friends, families, and co-workers.

This is precisely what I am experiencing with this man. As I have stated before, my only recourse is to file a restraining order, which I chose not to do. Since he hasn't acted violent or threatening in any way, I feel a restraining order would escalate the situation. I will continue to be on guard for my safety and have others watch out for me. There's just not much else law enforcement can do.

The scary thing is that stalkers can change their behavior over time. They tend to escalate the frequency or the intensity of their contacts. I just hope and pray that he will find another interest other than me, but I pray he will not victimize another woman. It's more likely than not, that he has done this in the past, and will move on when he finds another woman to obsess over. Either that, or his stalking toward me will escalate.

From my training as a domestic violence counselor, I learned that stalking is more common than you might think. Accurate figures don't really exist because law enforcement organizations have only recently started keeping records. Best estimates indicate that as many as 1.4 million Americans are stalked each year; and that 1 in 20 women will become targets of stalking behavior at least once during their lifetimes. Many men are also stalked.

With regard to "Mr. Pervert"...I agree he is nuts to say what he did to me in the shop. He's a pervert, period. I KNOW what he was thinking...he wanted to "have some fun" and see how I would react. He's probably dangerous in some weird way, but not half as dangerous as "Mr. Stalker!" I'd be surprised to see "Mr. Pervert" again, but I wouldn't be surprised to see my stalker approach me when I least expect it.