"in Lieu Of Flowers" Petition

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mlou

mlou

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Nov 27, 2003
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ilocalflorist.com
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Allied Florists of Houston has a “grass root†campaign in process to eliminate the words "in lieu of flowers" from obituaries. http://alliedfloristsofhouston.org/public_relations.htm
We realize what a large task this has become, but every funeral home where we have success will increase business for the floral industry. Jack Sim, Public Relations Chair, has been working with state & national funeral directors associations, SAF, and many state floral associations.
It has been recommended that Allied start a petition signed by retailers, growers, wholesalers and vendors of the floral industry.

We are asking for your help…

If you are willing to sign their petition, you can find it at

http://alliedfloristsofhouston.org/ILOFPetition.htm

Thank You,
Mary Lou Nix
ilocalflorist.com
([email protected])

TEAMWORK coming together is a beginning keeping together is progress
working togather is SUCCESS
 
Why are we fighting to remove that information that the family wants. Have you thought of allergies etc.
Maybe families like money to go to program that maybe helped them or their departed family member.
I think it is not right for us to dictate to family member what they can do or not.
All we can do is take what comes along.
Luc
 
Luc, I don't think they are trying to dictate the families choice but rather not have the FH dictate or eliminate them being able to choose flowers. The term " in lieu of" really should be eliminated as it automatically makes the families think of Not having flowers or that they are not allowed to have flowers. jmho
Sher
 
Luc,
I know exactly how you feel, that was my reaction at first…But do you know that most funeral directors are not asking the family if they want donation “in lieu of flowersâ€

After consulting with many funeral directors, Allied learned that most funeral directors are filling out a pre-printed form ( like your wedding forms) which they fax to the local newspapers.

One of the blanks on the form says “in lieu of flowersâ€. The funeral directors are not asking the family if they want contribution instead of flowers…Most funeral directors handle this blank by asking “what is his favorite charity?â€, then place the answer in the blank. The newspaper then prints the obituaries using the information from this form. 60% to 70% Houston obituaries have “in lieu of flowers†because it's on the form not because the family has requested it.

Allied is not trying to remove the option for donations…They are trying to remove the negative words “in lieu of flowers†from the forms and obituaries to be replaced with more positive wording.
Example: "In memory of (deceased), [omit In Lieu of Flowers] the family requests that a donation be made to (charity)."

Remember together, we can make a difference ...
It All Begins With You…
Please sign the petition…

Mary Lou Nix
ilocalflorist.com
([email protected])

TEAMWORK coming together is a beginning keeping together is progress
working together is SUCCESS
 
Thanks MLou for explaining it better than what I thought was wrong. I do like it better if it does say In memory of Luc M. the family request donations be made to ELATE.

Sometime it takes me a little bit more for me to understand and since we have one funeral home and one who does straight cremations, I will approach them and see if they can change that here.
Mind you , some families do request no flowers.
Some people still prefer to send flowers or plants.
Luc
 
I have wondered about a conflict of intrest where the family is sold flowers by the funeral home while also putting the IN Lieu Of in the paper?

Contributions can be made to- in bold type- are all over the place.

FLOWERS MAY BE SENT TO - needs to find its way in there. They could suggest the flowers be sent to the REAL home instead of the FUNERAL HOME.

One would think the greiving family would appreciate knowing the option is open to them.

The funeral director either doesn't want to handle the flowers or wishes to make a living off them. Either have the potential for interfering with a contractural obligation. The key is being able to show intent on their part.

It is one thing to address the wishes of the family. It is another to suggest some options for the family with the intent to do harm to others.

If flowers are such a problem for them, they could easily suggest an alternitive delivery location. Then they wouldn't have to get their little hands dirty. Or are their hands already covered in MUD?
 
I remember going to an FTD District mini meeting....

many years ago, up in Sudbury, and though the funeral director speaker was VERY funny, he, too, was VERY prophetic, when he said something like" YOU GUYS (florists) had better get your acts in gear, beacuse major changes are coming in the funeral industry, and ONE of them is a "message" to mourners, that their money would be better spent, IF they would support a favourite "charity" or service group!
The OTHER message was " funeral directors are coming under the SAME pressures, as everyone ELSE is, economically, and YOU GUYS (florists) had better make sure that you make your flowers FD friendly, and make sure EVERYTHING is ready to go, and we "might" even ask you to do the setups, because we won't have time".
He continued " IF we see "used" containers, or "old" flowers, or have ANY incidents with the "quality" of your delivered product, or "complaints" from the families, it will be a bad mark against your shop, and you'll only get 3 chances.
After the meeting, I approached the speaker, and asked him what it was that made hime raise his voice, during his "quality" issue, and he said that WE (florists) were NOT even aware, of how many times, that a funeral director had to put out a fire, regarding the presentation, and quality of many funeral pieces, and that as the population "aged" they didn't want to deal with the emotions of poorly done flowers..
The association of funeral directors meets all the time, and the "problems of flowers" were discussed for many years, and it seems as if, INSTEAD of "insulting" flower shop owners, they would just "suggest" alternatives to sending flowers...thus "in lieu of flowers" was born!
It took a long time for people to "catch on" to the non floral 1 hour funeral, BUT, you CANNOT say we weren't warned......
Mike
 
Slow process, but 25% decline

Allied Florists of Houston's May 18, 2004 meeting will be at the National Museum of Funeral History, 415 Barren Springs, Houston 77090... FTD will sponsor Jeff Corbin designing Sympathy Tributes...

Allied will have a small article about "in lieu of flowers" in Flowers & Profits next month...

It is a very slow process, but the use of "in lieu of flowers" has declined about 25% in the Houston area...We will win the funeral business back one arrangement at a time...

If Allied can get more support from the State Associations, they hope to see the same decline on a national level...

Mary Lou Nix
ilocalflorist.com
([email protected])

PS: please sign the Allied Florists of Houston "IN LIEU OF FLOWERS" PETITION
http://alliedfloristsofhouston.org/ILOFPetition.htmSlow process, but 25% decline
 
Funny...not,,,

I am reading a book on the first 50 years of FTD printed in the early '60's...

The "in lieu of" thing, was the main topic at the 1956 convention....

Battle's been raging for years...glad it's not an issue in my area !!
 
"In lieu of flowers" has been around since the early 1950's.

Our local Hospice gives the terminally ill person a form that directs the funeral director to publish the "ilof" statement. It further directs any sympathy tribute be made payable to their orgranization.

Sounds kind of cold from "such a caring organization". Doesn't it!?
 
Here's my take on "In lieu of"

Luc said:
Why are we fighting to remove that information that the family wants. Have you thought of allergies etc.
Maybe families like money to go to program that maybe helped them or their departed family member.
I think it is not right for us to dictate to family member what they can do or not.
All we can do is take what comes along.
Luc
Click to expand...

I believe this truly started when there was an excess of flowers at funerals, particularly ostentatious designs. Too large to take anywhere but the graveside and that appeared to be a waste.

Then the Charities got into the act and suggested monies be sent to them instead of flowers.

Now it is commonplace to have a line that says, "Memorials may be made to . . . .?

In our city of 65,000 Hospice collects over $500,000 from funeral memorials. And we have two Hospice agencies in our city. How many florists would like to be doing $500,000?

It is called "Cause Marketing" and how can you knock giving to a good cause?
How do you tell a Girl Scout that she should not be selling cookies, that is taking money from the grocer? It just won't fly. The Girl Scouts are one of the 5 largest cookie retailers in the world.

Cause Marketing is estimated by the IRS as being 7 to 8 percent of the GNP. That is a HUGE FIGURE.

Luc, how would you react to a Wedding Invitation that includes a line like this, "In lieu of gifts, please contribute to our honeymoon trip." Or, "Don't send gifts, send cash."

I tried to get Ann Landers to comment on "In Lieu Of" as being rather tacky telling someone how to express their sentiments. She didn't bite on it. But when you come right down to it, it is rather tacky to say "In lieu of flowers, bring cash."
 
Chaning a few words is not going to be enough!!!!!

mlou said:
Allied Florists of Houston's May 18, 2004 meeting will be at the National Museum of Funeral History, 415 Barren Springs, Houston 77090... FTD will sponsor Jeff Corbin designing Sympathy Tributes...

Allied will have a small article about "in lieu of flowers" in Flowers & Profits next month...

It is a very slow process, but the use of "in lieu of flowers" has declined about 25% in the Houston area...We will win the funeral business back one arrangement at a time...

If Allied can get more support from the State Associations, they hope to see the same decline on a national level...

Mary Lou Nix
ilocalflorist.com
([email protected])

PS: please sign the Allied Florists of Houston "IN LIEU OF FLOWERS" PETITION
http://alliedfloristsofhouston.org/ILOFPetition.htmSlow process, but 25% decline
Click to expand...

Mary Lou, I certainly applaud you for what you are doing. Don't stop, but just don't get your expectations up too high. Back in the 1950s, the leading FTD florist in our city got the local paper to drop the phrase "In Lieu Of Flowers" and for several years, it never appeared in the obits. Since the 1970s, the phrase was changed to "Memorials may be made to . . . " And that has been universally used up to this day.

But the fact remains, when a consumer reads a Memorial request, they definitely assume that the family prefers that instead of flowers.

Your efforts are not going to win the war. The battle plan is all that will change.
 
Having had the opportunity to hear the comments from the people making the donations, many of them preferred giving the money because "this is cheaper than buying flowers." They would plop down $10.00, pay their respects and hit the road. Others would split the collection of money between flowers and the charity.

Somewhere on the board, in a thread long long ago, I posted an article written by a SW Ontario Funeral director, on this subject. I'll try to find it and repost.
 
Just a random thought here.....

The demise of the traditional sympathy floral work will not come from the "in lieu of flowers" but rather from the increasing trend in cremations.

I lost a great customer last week, a real lover of flowers. Instead of having a traditional funeral, she was cremated with no visitation, no service and no burial, at least not as of now.

joe
 
Joe Mioux said:
Just a random thought here.....

The demise of the traditional sympathy floral work will not come from the "in lieu of flowers" but rather from the increasing trend in cremations.

I lost a great customer last week, a real lover of flowers. Instead of having a traditional funeral, she was cremated with no visitation, no service and no burial, at least not as of now.

joe
Click to expand...

An excellent and well placed "random thought" Joe... and you're right.

A look at the obits in many papers show the trend towards cremation is ever increasing. People are turning away from the traditional visitation and service and going for disposal.

It would be interesting to know how many of us on this board want cremation... I know I do, after they take whatever parts are useful to anyone who needs them. I've stipulated that a party or some sort of celebration should ensue, after which, I would really love to be scattered someplace exotic and warm.


V
 
What's missing most in all these efforts to bring attention to the automatic 'in lieu of' forms are reminders of how flowers affect grieving families and mourners.

Their beauty brings relief and makes a powerful visual memory; one far more pleasant to recollect and more richly comforting than most any other element of the bereavement period.

Each of us has strong floral memories from services past. As a child, viewing all the tributes sent to my father's funeral made a lasting and warm impression of how well-loved and respected he was. Of course, I already knew that - but seeing the banks of bouquets somehow made the pain tolerable.

On another occasion, the passing of my grandfather, Mom received a most simple yet elegant design of a braided sheath of wheat adorned with a single violet cattleya. Small, exquisite, thoughtful, comforting. A token gift that showed great care. More than thirty years later, the impression remains.

I don't know that anyone has collected a group of stories from mourners about how flowers in expression of sympathy affected their lives. Donations to charitable casues are a worthy tokens of remembrance yet I wonder if families experience a similar level of emotional support in the giving.

The most important thing we all can do is to ensure that flowers delivered during life's most sorrowful times are reflective of the sincere care in which they are sent. We are doing so much more than simply making arrangements; we are making memories.
 
Joe Mioux said:
Just a random thought here.....

The demise of the traditional sympathy floral work will not come from the "in lieu of flowers" but rather from the increasing trend in cremations.

I lost a great customer last week, a real lover of flowers. Instead of having a traditional funeral, she was cremated with no visitation, no service and no burial, at least not as of now.

joe
Click to expand...
Not that random Joe....here the FD's call them *Smokers* and they now account for roughly 40% of funerals.

WHile they do affect the floral industry they also affect the funeral biz as well, as most are 1 day gigs with little to no visitation, no limos, no expensive coffins, no vault, no plot...etc...

I'm told by my local FD's that their profit margin was always built into the hard goods, ie: vault, casket and the rentals....hence their margin on a Urn is as you can imagine very small, and when the only thing they do is enbalm the body, and then convert it to ashes (by another company) there is little money made. The ones I know are looking to find ways to shift expenses, but are not finding a possible replacement.

Cremation will continue to grow in popularity as Da Boomers age, I'd be willin to bet it'll hit 50% within the next decade....
 
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