Customers Who Talk Dirty & Even Stalk Me!

[NavyBrat]

I realize we are supposed to keep the threads ~clean~ but I don't think I can relay what occurred today with a customer without quoting precisely what he said to me. If I offend anyone, please forgive me. I have recently had two encounters with customers that I have found unsettling, to the say the least.

First story happened today: Mr. Mitchell calls and places an order with me for a dozen lavender roses vased to be picked up early afternoon. Nothing unusual with our phone conversation. I greet him when he comes in and bring his roses from the cooler to box for traveling. Here is our word for word conversation, which BTW, he spoke loud and clear in front of my entire staff without any hesitation:

Me: "Mr. Mitchell, Aren't these lavender roses spectacular?" They match the color of my blouse exactly!" "I'm sure your wife will love them!"
Mr. Mitchell: "I don't care about the color of your blouse. I'm more interested in the color of your bra and panties!"
Now...I'm not usually the type of gal who is at a loss for words, however, this statement made me stammer a bit.
Me: "Mr. Mitchell, I don't think your comment is appropriate."
I try to brush this off and proceed with telling him how to properly care for his roses.
Mr. Mitchell: "You certainly have beautiful blue eyes and your red hair is so pretty."
Me: "Thank you, Mr. Mitchell."
Mr. Mitchell: "I have never been with a redhead before." "Are you red all over?" "I would certainly like to lick your pus*y!"
OMG! What is this guy doing? You could have heard a pin drop in the shop, and I struggled to regain my composure.
Me: "Mr. Mitchell, again, I don't think your comments are appropriate." "I would appreciate you leaving the shop now with your flowers." "You are making me very uncomfortable."
Mr. Mitchell picks up his roses off the counter and heads for the door to leave. As he is leaving he still has one more comment.
Mr. Mitchell: "Well..Reds...I'll be ordering more flowers next week. We'll talk about this when I come back."

How do you think I handled this customer? Have you ever had a client talk this dirty to you, and what would you do? I'm concerned about his next visit. I don't think he was drunk, couldn't smell any alcohol, but he really unnerved me.

I have another customer who is what I consider ~stalking~ me! This has been going on for a few months. He started innocently enough by bringing me little gifts of cookies and candy to thank me for taking care of his flower orders. Then he started mailing me romantic letters professing his adoration for me. One letter included pictures of his home at the shore, inviting me to spend a weekend with him. I never responded or acknowledged his letters. For the past few months, he came into the shop at least once a week to leave me a gift, card or letter. His conversation and letters have never been dirty or threatening. Many times, I have not been there, and my staff said he gets upset to not find me there, and asks them where I am. My staff is totally unnerved by this guy.

Two weeks ago, he showed up at my Rotary club meeting and came and sat next to me and told me he was applying for membership so he could spend some time with me each week. I excused myself from the table and went to tell some of my favorite Rotary brothers that the guy who was stalking me was sitting at my table, and could they please make him leave. My Rotary brothers were aware of the problems he has caused at the shop. My brothers asked him to go outside and he did not return to the dinner meeting. My brothers told me they took care of it, would not tell me exactly what was said, but they felt he wouldn't be bothering me again. My brothers are all within close range of the shop, and told me if he does come in again to call them immediately. He has not come into the shop again since the dinner meeting, but I am always looking over my shoulder. If this man does come into the shop again, I will immediately call the police.

Why do men behave this way? I feel nervous and scared. If this man showed up at my Rotary meeting, it could very well mean he is following me enough to know my daily schedule. I don't understand it all...and would sure like to know if any other women on the board have encountered situations like this at your shops. I would also appreciate any advice the guys here have to offer!

 

[Victoria]

Personally Dianne, I wouldn't want Mr. (and I use that term loosely) Mitchell as a customer ever again. I wouldn't care if he bought a million dollars worth of flowers. He needs to be gone and if the police need to be involved, so be it. There is nothing harmless in his disgusting behaviour.

The same applies to the stalker... it all needs to be documented. It's a creepy world sometimes and my dear you have met two of the creepiest. Gross on so many levels.

V

 

[wildflowerschicago]

Holy crap Dianne, you made me blush and that is not easy to do!!!!

I think if Mr. Mitchell comes back, you need to gently remind him that his wife would most likely not appreciate hearing his comments! Remember to always keep your design knife in your hand...it may not kill anyone, but it can a) get their DNA for the police and b) render them unable to act on any of their ideas...can you say castrate?!?!

The other creepy guy may just be a lonely guy with no social skills who needed a firm & decisive "leave her alone" lecture which hopefully your brothers gave him. You subtlty of not returning his affection may not have been direct enough for him. You should however, go with your gut!!!! If he creeps you out there is a reason, no need to stick around and figure out what it is. The police would gladly show up in an instant (most of them have wives & would hate the thought of anyone creeping out their wife). Again, keeping a design knife in your purse can't hurt.

Good luck!!!!

 

[goldfish]

Me: "Mr. Mitchell, Aren't these lavender roses spectacular?" They match the color of my blouse exactly!" "I'm sure your wife will love them!"
Mr. Mitchell: "I don't care about the color of your blouse. I'm more interested in the color of your bra and panties!"
Now...I'm not usually the type of gal who is at a loss for words, however, this statement made me stammer a bit.
Me: "Mr. Mitchell, I don't think your comment is appropriate."
I try to brush this off and proceed with telling him how to properly care for his roses.
Mr. Mitchell: "You certainly have beautiful blue eyes and your red hair is so pretty."
Me: "Thank you, Mr. Mitchell."
Mr. Mitchell: "I have never been with a redhead before." "Are you red all over?" "I would certainly like to lick your pus*y!"
OMG! What is this guy doing? You could have heard a pin drop in the shop, and I struggled to regain my composure.
Me: "Mr. Mitchell, again, I don't think your comments are appropriate." "I would appreciate you leaving the shop now with your flowers." "You are making me very uncomfortable."
Mr. Mitchell picks up his roses off the counter and heads for the door to leave. As he is leaving he still has one more comment.
Mr. Mitchell: "Well..Reds...I'll be ordering more flowers next week. We'll talk about this when I come back."

How do you think I handled this customer?

Badly. You gave him the attention he wanted. It doesn't matter whether it's negative or positive. He wanted your attention and you gave it to him.

The best course of action you could have taken is something like this.

Mr. Mitchell: "I don't care about the color of your blouse. I'm more interested in the color of your bra and panties!"
You: Pretending that you didn't hear him, say "I'm sorry, Mr, wait a min... Hi, Susie (your employee)!! Did you water the plants outside? It's hot over here!" "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

Mr. Mitchell: "I said I don't care about the color of your blouse...."
You: Talking over him, yell "Hey, Susie!!! Hurry up!" "I'm sorry My Mitchell, so sorry. What was the conversation?"

Mr. Mitchell: "Well, I'm interested in the color of your...."
You: "Hey Susie! Come here!" totally ignoring him,
You: "I'm sorry, I've got to get Susie... hold on..." leaving the scene.

Don't give him the attention he wants. Stalkers want your attention, even the negative ones.

 

[Rhonda]

as the never ending Law & Order watcher.......no matter how you act, what you say......and ignoring is the worst thing you can do, it makes them more insane..........
Call the cops, place a formal complaint, if necessary slap a restraining order. You do not need to be treated this way at all.
Your employees can sign affidavits...do it very soon.
Mr. Mitchell would not ever order through me again and the stalker would not be allowed to approach me or my shop.
Do the right thing, report and follow through. (and carry a knife and/or get a concealed weapon permit and learn how to shoot)

 

[goldfish]

as the never ending Law & Order watcher.......no matter how you act, what you say......and ignoring is the worst thing you can do, it makes them more insane..........

Can be. But remember, many intimacy seekers are impervious to judicial sanctions, and often regard court appearances, police intervention, and even imprisonment as the price to be paid in the pursuit of true love. That's what I meant by "stalkers want attentions even negative ones." So be careful when you decided to give him attention.

I don't know about "Law & Order"; I don't watch TV. Of course police protection is always a viable option.

I think Mr Mitchell to be more dangerous than the other one. The other one will probably go away if you tell him you have no intention of having relationship with him.

 

[Victoria]

Both need to be gone. Neither need to be pandered to by giving or withholding attention. These are adults not children. Playing head games is stupid... period.

V

 

[Mikey the Flower Guy]

Why do men behave this way? I feel nervous and scared. If this man showed up at my Rotary meeting, it could very well mean he is following me enough to know my daily schedule. I don't understand it all...and would sure like to know if any other women on the board have encountered situations like this at your shops. I would also appreciate any advice the guys here have to offer!

Dianne..you ARE a beautiful woman, and there ARE other ways to say so!!
I have personally witnessed some very ugly word verbal women as well, but, GUYS are NOT allowed to even "consider" fighting back, and the scales of justice DO NOT have ANY tolerance for MEN who DO, so, the system is poisoned in favour of Women being allowed ANY sort of defamatory comments about them, so, SOME guys just don't care!!
Is it RIGHT...of course not, BUT, if you DO decide to lay charges, "some" big spenders "might" know each other (for instance)
Some businesses even "survive" on cleavage and skin...is it RIGHT??....many women are ALL for it!!
Should YOU have a "choice"??..of course..if "someone" harmed a hair on your head, the FC possie would hunt them down, and piss on them 'till they drowned, BUT, is "losing" this guy's business meaningful in ANY way, and if NOT, FIRE his arse immediately, and apply at Smith & Wesson college!!
We love you too much to have you afraid.....

 

[rsef]

Having been on the receiving end of a stalking...call the police now! It may feel like an over-reaction, after all, 'it's just this one instance.' But if thing escalate, you'll be glad you have the records from the beginning. And if it doesn't, then no harm done. The police are there to protect you, but they can't do that if they don't know about it. Really--your gut knows what's going on. Listen to it! And definitely carry that knife. You might also want to look into a self-defense course. Look for one that let's you actually practice what you learn.

PS--one of the best weapons I've ever heard of is a ball point pen. Just make a fist wrapped around the pen. You can stab, puncture, and even cut with it and it doesn't look like a weapon!

--Thea

 

[ivygreen]

Diane, I handled a similar situation like your stalker like you have, even more poorly than you. It went on for months. Coming in the store, stupid requests, increasingly bolder moves, and nothing you could file charges on, or get a PFA on. I became completely intimidated by the guy, and unerved by the whole thing. Too make matters worse, he is a neighbor, at home. It was was getting out of control. When I finally told my husband I was getting a permit to carry, and why, and let him handle it like I should have from the start things got better fast. I hate to say this, but get yourself a man that means business, or several. Bet your Rotary friends were not polite. Rely on them if you need too. He already knows he shook you up, so it's a little too late to go back to square one, and reset the boundaries. Hopefully you won't sell to Mr. Mitchell when he calls. Good Luck~Melissa

 

[Joe Mioux]

The correct response should have been... GET the @@@@ out of here!!!!!!!!!!!

that only being said after you took the roses out of the vases. and cooled him down with the rose water.

 

[Rhonda]

I always wondered why I carried my knife in my hand when going to the counter, especially if it was a male I did not know or had ever seen before. And I keep the knife in my hand.......I'm very good left or right handed (did I ever tell you I am a dead shot with a bow and arrow?? State runnerup in a 3 day archery event?)

 

[Knife's Wife]

I am so sorry to hear this happening to you. I was stalked years ago, the guy was entering my apartment when I was not home and then calling me later at night when I would get in the door. It was the most frightening experience of my life.

The one thing the police is going to drill you about is whether you have made it perfectly clear to them that you are not enjoying it and want it to stop.

File those reports... and keep those Brothers close, take the self defense as suggested if nothing else it will give you some confidence.

I don't want to scare you but... Try to travel with someone where ever you go. If you have to travel alone be very conscience of your surroundings, where you park. Park under lights and where there is no bushes or trees. Lock your car and look into the back before getting in. If you find yourself having to be a good Samaritan only do so by calling for help with your cell phone if you are alone or it is night.

There are a few other things I was told by the police about what to do and not do but I can't remember right now.

If you need to talk I am here for you.

Joan

 

[CHR]

It doesn't matter whether it's negative or positive. He wanted your attention and you gave it to him.

Agree with Kenji on this one.

Years ago, I was working in a shop in LA. Alone on the sales floor, a guy walked in, slowly approached me and was grabbing his crotch while walking. I backed up behind the sale counter - and he dropped his pants. Made me an offer I could definitely refuse.

My head was racing and all I could think was that he looked kind-of drugged out and that running or yelling might make matters worse. (At that point he was very calm and straight forward, if you'll pardon the pun.)

I looked him straight in the eye and said very calmly, "You know, I'm really flattered, but no thank you." He asked again, and I gently repeated the reply.

He pulled up his pants, turned, and walked out the door. I picked up the phone and called 911 and then went and chewed out my co-workers for not paying attention to what the h*ll was going on in the store.

I'd definitely pass on Mr. Mitchell's future orders. Have you Googled his name, phone number and info?

Bet your Rotary friends were not polite. Rely on them if you need too.

The stalker guy sounds smitten. Hopefully the Rotary guys made it clear you're not interested. Unfortunately, some guys interpret 'nice to a customer' as 'interested'.

I'll bet your team at the shop has your back. Just make sure you're equally protected at home.

 

[ivygreen]

Joan is so right. Please be careful. It's frightening, intimidating, and demeaning and you deserve better. Make sure your staff and closest business neighbors are aware.

 

[Twila]

Many years ago, had one of JB's friends come in and would say very inappropriate things to me. I'm sure that he thought that the type of women he was used to liked hearing those "types of compliments" - very similar to what Dianne was hearing. After a couple times, I finally said "You know _____ , I consider myself a lady. And a lady really doesn't enjoy hearing things like that." He blinked a couple times, and said "I'm really sorry, I didn't realize, I won't talk that way to you again." To this day, he has never said another inappropriate thing to me. But he always has a NICE compliment to give me. The only reason that I waited to say anything to him was that he was a friend of my brother.

Some people just don't know what is acceptable to say and what isn't. I am in a constant state of learning to stand up for myself. Each time that I do, I feel better about myself. I'm sure that you will too, Dianne. If we don't stand up for ourselves, who will? Some people - Men as well as Women - are just plain idiots! :wallhead:

 

[SpringCity]

The correct response should have been... GET the @@@@ out of here!!!!!!!!!!!

that only being said after you took the roses out of the vases. and cooled him down with the rose water.

I agree 100%.

 

[MANORVILLE]

Geez Dianne !

OK, first of all this is why the expense for cameras seems so minimal these days, and in a situation like this they pay for themselves immediately.

Secondly, I am sorry to hear that you were disrespected in such a manner.


To go on, there are very profound viewpoints and opinions being stated in this thread.
I think that overall there has been enough input to make anyone think.

In a situation, I have learned that logic plays no part, as the intimidation factor tends to be a dominant force. I have seen the toughest women and men, forget all that they know when stress enters the situation. It's totally understandable under adverse conditions.

Dianne reacted, maintaining her normal high level of dedication to the customer. Would someone else have reacted differently,,,,,,,,,,maybe !
Would I have ? OK let's not even go there !

Dianne, I see this as a problem, that may not soon go away.
I strongly suggest adding safety precautions to your shop, for the benefit of all that either work there or frequent your establishment.
The cost for a little peace of mind is minimal and easy to install.


As far as your reaction to such a difficult situation, I admire your courage and dedication and the way you chose to diffuse the situation, however, I strongly suggest that you take precautionary measures in the future.

Even I at times forget who I am when it comes to the service I am compelled to provide, and quite honestly have gotten into the sticky many times in my years, in other settings besides here.
I see the whole thing as a spur of the moment judgment call, with only one thing in mind at the time,,,,,,,,,,,,,,survival,,,,,,,,,,,but already have PLAN B in the works as I'm diffusing.

Point in fact: Late 70's, Coney Island, New York.
Robbed at gunpoint, while making deliveries.
Boss at the time played the tough guy, and it didn't go well !
I played the smart card, always awaiting the opportunity to strike, but it never materialized.
The three gun wielding S@@tbirds actually thought I was cool, and thanked me, yes thanked me for playing it cool. Returned my wallet, cash and jewelry !
Little did they know !
The one guy said, and I remember it well, " He's the brother, not the other ! " " Leave him be ! "

Moral of the story: Do what's right, to survive the moment, and choose the battlefield ! But, don't hesitate, as the enemy will not !


If ya need to talk don't hesitate !

 

[Mikey the Flower Guy]

As far as your reaction to such a difficult situation, I admire your courage and dedication and the way you chose to diffuse the situation, however, I strongly suggest that you take precautionary measures in the future.

Even I at times forget who I am when it comes to the service I am compelled to provide, and quite honestly have gotten into the sticky many times in my years, in other settings besides here.
I see the whole thing as a spur of the moment judgment call, with only one thing in mind at the time,,,,,,,,,,,,,,survival,,,,,,,,,,,but already have PLAN B in the works as I'm diffusing.

Point in fact: Late 70's, Coney Island, New York.
Robbed at gunpoint, while making deliveries.
Boss at the time played the tough guy, and it didn't go well !
I played the smart card, always awaiting the opportunity to strike, but it never materialized.
The three gun wielding S@@tbirds actually thought I was cool, and thanked me, yes thanked me for playing it cool. Returned my wallet, cash and jewelry !
Little did they know !
The one guy said, and I remember it well, " He's the brother, not the other ! " " Leave him be ! "

Moral of the story: Do what's right, to survive the moment, and choose the battlefield ! But, don't hesitate, as the enemy will not !


If ya need to talk don't hesitate !

Kevin, I have to ask.....Diane was "threatened" morally, and "potentially", and to the best of her abilities, was temporarily able to "deflect" a couple of idiots that COULD escalate her anxieties...in YOUR case, it seems that your life was IMMEDIATE danger...can you "reflect" the differences??
I wanted to add one last point to Dianne's scenario, that "might" explain maybe, the arrogance of an amorous "caveman"...
I've noticed, that SOME guys, when smitten by a successful "power play success", such as a gambling win, or job promotion, or win a fight, have a hormonal "spike" that elevates their inhibitions PAST their normal makeups??..they become COMPLETELY out of character...I've seen it less in women!!

 

[MANORVILLE]

Mikey.........gotta say.........great post !

Differences ? I'd say similarities, when logically dismantled.


A life threatening situation is defined as ...........?
And could Dianne's situation escalate into something more ?
Is it imminent danger or potential ?
The line is thin, I believe, and must be handled carefully, until a rational and logical determination can be made, hopefully before anything is taken to the next level, and all of this, with the adrenaline rush, is totally spontaneous.
Do I really think that she should take it to the next level ?
Hard to say as I'm not there .
Should precautionary measures be taken ? Absolutely !

My situation that I reflected upon outlined the ability to make seemingly logical and calculated decisions in an adversarial atmosphere in the attempt to diffuse.
That was my goal for myself and Boss at the time, as he would have been tough and bold, resulting in a much worse scenario for both of us had I not remained level headed and calculating.


Do I think however that the next time, if there is one, she should be prepared ?
Absolutely ! By whatever means necessary !