Back on Track... 
Alana's Weird Titi Caca.
(I'm thinking she could apply for a stint on Survivor... or The Great Race)
V
Yesterday is officially going down in history as the
strangest day of my life! I hope I can describe it so
that you can completely understand how absolutely
effing bizarre it really was. Yesterday started off
pretty normal (well, as normal as a boat ride on Lake
Titicaca can be). The first island we visited was
okay, a little dull, but still cool.
The next island was the one that we were doing our
home-stay on. Jade and Chris (They're a married
couple, about my age. He's from England and Jade is
from New Zealand) decided that the three of us were
going as a group. I was completely okay with that
because it meant I didn't have to go with this REALLY
annoying American guy. Plus they are an absolute riot.
As soon as we got off the boat we were introduced to
our new Mom for the night. None of us could pronounce
her name so we just stuck to calling her Mom. She led
us on an hour long walk to our new home. Naturally it
was uphill (nothing is flat around here) and the
altitude does not make it an easy walk. When we
finally got there she showed us to our room, and it
was surprisingly not disgusting. It wasn't The Hilton
or anything, the mattresses were made of straw and
both the floor and ceiling looked ready to collapse,
but still not too bad.
We were a little freaked out when we noticed they
could lock us in. The three of us sat there for awhile
not too sure what we were supposed to be doing. We
were told dinner was at 6:30pm, but didn't know if we
were supposed to go searching around the house for the
kitchen. No one had ever taught me the proper
etiquette for this situation (I blame my real Mom).
'Mom' finally came to take us down to dinner. She led
us in to what I can only describe as a shed with no
floor, a saggy ceiling, a million crooked shelves
filled with dirty pots and pans, and the most ancient
stove I've ever seen (think Little 'House on The
Prairie' on welfare).
The food was the most repulsive thing I had ever
seen. It was cold rice, these things that we thought
were grubs (turns out they were potatoes), and this
cheese/plastic thing disguised as a fried egg. It made
a squeaky sound on our teeth, and Jade and Chris
actually dry-heaved at the table. They blamed the food
but it also might have been the things rustling around
the floor at our feet. We assumed they were rats, it
turns out they were Guinea Pigs.
We sat there for about an hour not eating, and hoping
she couldn't understand us as we talked about how vile
the food was (no one in the house spoke a word of
English), while our 'mom' breast-fed her three year
old daughter (what the he ll).
I finally figured out that she wanted us to go up to
our room and she would be up soon (I was made the
official spokesperson of the group because Jade and
Chris mistook my ability to speak drunken Spanish as
actual Spanish fluency) We, again, sat there for a
while thinking we had been grounded for not eating our
food.
She finally came up with an arm full of clothing we
had to wear for the dance that night. None of you will
EVER see the pictures! I had on about three huge,
bright, tacky skirts, and an embroidered blouse which
actually showed off my cleavage nicely. Our 'mom' had
to dress Jade and I because we couldn't figure out how
to put the stupid thing together.
The dance was REALLY weird! It was in a hall that
smelled like pee. There were two 'bands' and they each
took turns playing. We were all forced to dance the
most ridiculous dance I've ever seen. After a couple
big as s beers Jade, Chris and I started having a
really good time, and danced with our 'mom' until we
were the only people left. The four of us laughed our
as ses off all the way back home. Our 'mom' wasn't much
in the kitchen (everyone else had great meals), but
she sure could party!
As we were getting ready for bed 'mom' came in with
three empty plastic bowls, put one on the floor and
squatted over it. She was telling us that if we had to
pee in the night we were to pee in the bowls (not
effing likely!) The outhouse was in the back and she
had locked the gate (dammit)!
About an hour after we had gone to bed Jade and I
both needed to use the washroom (shouldn't have drank
all that beer I guess). We got Chris out of bed and
forced him to break us out of our house. I was fine
after that, but Jade woke him up a couple more times.
He was thrilled.
In the morning we were served pancakes which were
pretty good. And we sat there enjoying them with the
Guinea Pigs running around at our feet. After that
'mom' walked us down to the dock where she waved at us
until she could no longer see us. We decided our 'mom'
was way better than the other 'moms'.
So that is my REALLY f#$ked up night! There is WAY
more to tell, but this email is already far too long
(sorry) and my fingers hurt.
Tomorrow we go to La Paz, where I will hopefully be
able to replace my camera.
Please don't report my camera to anyone. Renata and I
are going to report it to the Bolivian Police. We are
hoping my insurance will cover it.
Thank you for taking such good care of everything!
I'm glad things are going so well for you at work!
I love you tonnes and will still try to call ou
tonight!
Love Alana
